Some Anxiety

The current issues in Thailand have been cause for some anxiety lately. I’ll start by saying that so far I have been completely safe in my little nook of a village here. Life has progressed as usual at site from I can tell. What’s producing anxiety is the uncertainty of the political situation coupled with my already waning enthusiasm to be the world’s best volunteer. I think I mentioned before that I’m going through some sort of mid-service crises, where I celebrated making it half way through service then quickly realized I still have one more year of this. In my arrogance I feel like I have learned all I can from this experience and that I will be hard pressed to do any new work in my village in this next year. In reality I think this next year of service will be a lot of fine tuning. Fine tuning the projects I’m working on and fine tuning my character. This is not something my capricious personality easily latches onto. I thrive on change and adventure, the patience it takes to sit through fine tuning makes me very, very anxious.

Now, take this described mental state and add on the current political situation here. I spent an entire day looking at minute by minute news updates. Many volunteers wonder if we will be evacuated. According to policy this will not happen unless unrest is happening near our sites. At this point unrest is no where near my site, but I can’t help but wonder about the future. It’s also been unsettling seeing the country, people and places I love change in this way. I just saw a video clip of a street that I spent of my time in BKK walking down, deserted and covered in burning debris. The Bangkok I’ve spent so much time in seems to have greatly changed.  I hope constantly for a positive outcome and resolution, knowing it’s going to take some time.

I’ll end similar to how I began, by emphasizing that I am currently safe. I will also say that I have personally talked to the director and know that he is doing his best to act in the best interest of the volunteers and I trust that he is using sound judgment in this situation.

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