Music is My Lover

Metal roofes make monsoons a little scary.

Somewhere between May and yesterday I lost all creative inspiration. May was I’m not ready to be back from vacation time and then mid service crisis time. June was recovering from mid service crisis time. July was don’t leave site time. And August is and hopefully will continue to be fist pump in the air march onward time.

Here’s how it all breaks down…after returning from adventures abroad the political situation intensified in Thailand, which made me anxious to say the least. This anxiety on top of two weeks of no school (not a good thing for me and the village life) and my realization that I have been a volunteer for a year and am no where near accomplishing all I thought I would be resulted in a mid service crisis. Mostly this was a lot of whining and staring at the ceiling wondering if the ends really justified that means.

Strangely enough on the exact day that marked one year and one month as a volunteer the mid service crisis completely disappeared. The restlessness and anxiety vanished. I wasn’t necessarily elated about life, but I was content and I’m ok with that.

At some point, in an effort to save money for future sojourns and adventures I embarked on a five month stint at site. The first four months were great. I felt engaged with my community, spent some quality time with Thai friends and was smittened by the transformation that had occurred. Somehow over the last year I’ve gone from being terrified of a weekend at site to utterly undaunted by weeks at site. And then came week 5. When my brain melted and fell out my ears. I became a walking zombie barely capable of forming complete sentences in either Thai or English, reduced to watching endless hours of sci-fi and playing computer games into the wee hours of the night.

Thankfully, the 5 week stint ended with a 4 day beach trip with about 15 of my favorite people. The beach trip included the usual antics and was the perfect way to recharge my social batteries. By the end of the trip site felt like a place rest rather than restraint.

Now we’re caught up to this present week, a time where several things have happend at just the perfect time to matter more than they normally would. This started with watching the TV show Treme, which reminded me how much I love jazz and blues and of the memories of camping out at coffee shops, watching bands perform Coltrain renditions. So I started listening to jazz again. And then I remembered how much I love music in general. In order to cope with my extraverted tendencies I usually play endless hours of TV. Partly to pass the time, but mostly for the peace of mind that people are talking and I can understand them. This demanding TV schedule squeezed music out of my life (in my defense it’s not as easy to keep up with unless it’s played at a monk party or in a thai dance club). Rediscovering music has filled a void in my life on par with the times I leave site and eat delicious baked goods.

So music has made life more intersting, so have good books like A Man Without a Country, First They Killed My Father and The Unbearable Lightness of being. I’m too lazy to look up authors right now. Google it if you feel so inclined and gold stars if you know them already.

And nooooowwwwww………drumroll……only two more days until I go to BKK for a meeting and then to Malaysia for a week. Three cheers for an unplanned out trip of randomness. And to make things even better, I have got plenty of things to do between now and then to keep my mind occupied. Mainly, working on a grant to get new library books. My co teacher has told me countless times that she wants new library books, but the school doesn’t have the funds. Tomorrow is the day that I will approach her with the grant and a Thai-English dictionary in hand. Fingers crossed that something positive comes of this.


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