The mouse clicker button on my notebook is permanently stuck in the down position, rendering my notebook completely unusable until I get an external mouse, I hope. Guess this is my punishment for spending virtually all free time at site in an internet induced coma. Those hours of Facebook Scrabble were very important to me at the time. Anyway, I am now dabbling in the lifestyle of the no-internet-at-site-types and I must say, I quite like it. When I first moved to site having internet was my source of sanity. I hate living alone and had never been in a position before where I felt so isolated. Internet was a major coping mechanism. At this point I don’t need internet in the same way I needed it before. I’m used to life and site and rarely feel the same loneliness. Restlessness yes, but loneliness, not so much. Since not having a computer the last few days I’ve realized how much the internet in my house had become a source of anxiety in my life. I would sit in front of the computer anxiously waiting for a friend to sign on to Skype, routinely checking for Facebook and email updates and the feeling that I should be working on something productive constantly lingered in the back of my mind. The action of shutting everything off and stepping away became a great challenge.
Now I have no choice but to turn off and step away. That one has been made for me. Instead of watching endless hours of The Sopranos and tapping my foot in anticipation of a new email, I read books and dabble in writing and dress up in extravagant bohemian costumes while listening to Tom Waits and sipping overly sweet mamosas in a dimly lit room. Ok, that only happened once, and it was really fun. Next time I’m envisioning a snooty 60s housewife costume. Think Betty Draper meets Anna Wintour.
This no notebook fast will likely only last til Friday, but this experience has lead me to do the unthinkable…cancel my internet. That is if I still have the guts once I meet with my landlord to pay rent.